After thousands of years of being sclaves, we dogs have been blessed with the gift of intelligence and now declare our independence. We wish to be treated the same as humans and all of our canine brethren are invited to come and take part in this new country: The Doggish Republic of Doggia!

Also, this is our land.

The International Resort and Spa Corporation is the foremost in modern-day resorts. We have many small tracts across the globe.

Contact the Tourism Board for a brochure relating to a resort of your choice.

We are proud to announce that our dog scientists have studied bipedism and now dogs can handle the same machinery and weapons as humans

Our dog military is becoming stronger and stronger as each day passes. Today we are proud to announce the formation of the Elite Dog Sniper Platoon Number 1. More of this platoons will be trained to be the best sharp shooters in the world.

War is enevitable, suffering is not.
Ultima mercenary Co. will offer our highely trained mercenanries to any nation. they are willign to fight in your wars so that your civilain popualtion cna remain un affected.
you may contact us at our antarctic base or at one of the many ocnflicts we are present in a peace keepign nature

The angelic creatures known as Artias have descend to this plane and founded the nation of Artanuim in order to bring the eternal light of wisdom to the natives of this planet.

Fear not mortals, for those who live honest lives have nothing to fear from us.

A map featuring the lands of Artanium.

This truly is a very nice place!

>>68

We have no gay people here!

>>70
>>69
dude if you use a tripcode we know you are samefagging :|

>69

This man speaks the truth.

Carry go bring come sez Raste Culcha be 'ere. We 'ere fi di cooly.

>>71

I am not samefagging. No sir! I am not!

Deep within the Congo basin tribal drums can be heard across the jungle.

Early Stages of fungal growth have begun.

The barbarians in the north have tried to tame us.
But they ended up being tamed instead...
New Export Resource: Slaves.

Whereas we, the Archangels, are immortal, Artias have mortal needs.
We wish to import food and other things mortals use. We are also interested into the knowledge of this world. We wish to educate our people so that they would produce food on their own.
We aren't using any currencies, so we are willing to trade with our finest medicines, holy water, blessed wings or other things the mortals of this plane should be interested in.

UMC has made a major new tehconligcal discovery
by rifleign the barrles of our guns we have gained a signifacant increase in rnage and accuracy

It seems some nations regard us as some sort of "higher" holy beings. Well, they are correct for the most part. They have willingly joined Artanium.

>>77
Mad Rico 'ere. I gi lambsbread fi di dread water. Deal?

>>78
Oy yah hummies made guns shootier? Weez be wanten some um dat.

If yah wanten' to trade for em, den weez got some grots what make good target praktice.

>>81
We are willing to do so. You have our blessings.

>>82
we will accpet your trade greenskin, though we woudl prefer greenskin auxliaris for our forces to target grots.
please rember that oru new rifles are reltivly delicate and require skill to handle

>>84
Ahhh this is the begining of a bewtiful relationship humies.

The boys go where the fighin's is, so whens you got someone ta' crump then maybe some of the boys will join yah.

P.S. About the shootier guns. We broke them. The mek boys are seeing to try and make em more brake proof.

>>83
Dread water make herb fit fas'. I gi Artanium baddest cooly and Zion's blessings.

The first order of business for A Very Nice Place is to sail up the Caspian sea, settling where we deem fit to settle. These people have accepted us as their rulers and we will treat them very, very nicely, and with the utmost respect.

And once again, we are not gay.

Mad Rico sez di Culcha grows. I gettin' fine ganja from Colombia.

The Waaagh rumbles on. Spores and fungus has started to spread threw out the Congo basin. The sounds of mekboys at work can be now heard along with the drums.

>>91
We were to busy fightin' with each other to post da map.

We have set up a trade and recruitment oupost near greenskin terrotry.
in other new we have develop a glorious STEAM POWERED BOAT!

Hello, patrons.

The I.R.S. Corporation announces its brand new Holographic Simulation Technology. Live out your fantasies in real-time! Complete with 100% interactivity (including the ability to feel, smell and taste).

Examples of programming:
Pleasure simulation: simulate sex, food and anything your neural connection dictates.
Battle simulation: simulate war, slaughter and anything your neural connection dictates.

Safety-free simulations are not recommended and can cause death to real-world participants. We recommend only using this setting for duel simulations.

Interested parties, please contact the Sales Department.

Thank you for your continued patronage!

Richard Baker, CEO
International Resort and Spa

We have begun settling further and further inland.

These people love us. They are welcoming us with open arms! We are not taking their land by force.

>>94
We are interested in this offer and would like to provide your company with slaves in exchange for letting us use this amazing machinery for training our troops.

>>94
we are also interested in this technolgy.
we can offer promises of defense for your nation if attack

>>97
Dear Spot:

Thank you for your interest in our technology; however, we do not accept slaves as a commodity. If there is another resource you can offer, we will consider it.

Sincerely, Richard Baker, CEO
International Resort and Spa

>>98
Mr. Edward,

We are happy to agree to protection terms. We thank you in advance. We will start construction of a Holographic Simulation Facility in a location of your choosing. The default program will be 'Realtime Combat Simulation', a completely realistic simulation of randomly generated battles and situations.

In addition, a subprogram that will allow your soldiers to believe the simulation is real to increase training effectiveness will be installed. It will remain disabled by default.

Yours Truly,
Richard Baker, CEO
International Resort and Spa

>>94
Simulation? Yu dam Lagga head bud. Simulation nut nuttin. Black up wit' di cooly of di Culcha 'stead.

Di Culcha has plenty Colombian ganja fit fi black up after spreadin'.

>>99
if you could ship it to our anartic HQ with the sub program active.

>>100
Dear Mad Rico,

what?

Sincerely,
Richard Baker, CEO
International Resort and Spa

>>101
It's done, Mr. Edward.

Da orks have used the humies steam powered boats to sail the rivers of the congo, and also added more dakka to them, with HUGE cannons.

So the island humies came up with a way of fighin' without actually fightin'. That just ain't proppah.

Modification of steam boat technogly has created STEAM TANKS. these are capable of fireing steam missiles. this teck is bieng kept secret from the orks

Irie, bredda. Judge Ganja here.

Mad Rico apparently has trouble making his position clear to the other nations of the world, so he has requested that I act as his translator.

Mad Rico offers to build coffeehouses in every nation except for the lands under the control of International Resort & Spa.
We will be happy to trade hookers, marijuana, sugar, rum, coffee, yams and bananas in exchange for what you have to offer.
Due to recent expansions, we also have access to samples of exotic life from the Amazon that we're also willing to trade.

>>108
could we request that you build oen of said houses at our antartic base to provide R&R for our soldiers

>>109
You got it, bredda - on the condition that the smoking of marijuana is legal within the coffeehouse. We like to share the spiritual nature of the Tree of Life with others.

With a crack of thunder, the former Duke stumbles out upon the land. The newcomer's clothes and equipment were covered in smoking black blood and bile, eating slowly away at all that he had left to his name until Henry managed to locate a nearby stream and cleansed himself, both in mind and body.

He lived. And this time, he wouldn't fail.

UMC offers a welcoming hand to this mysterious newcomer

>>111

>>112

Your welcome is most appreciated...It's been a while since I last heard a human voice. But do not worry, I have not lost all sense of humanity...he can't take everything away from me...not yet. I must build. I must fortify. He can't find me yet. Not yet. Now's not the time...

>>113
The Rastafarian Culture welcomes you to our world. Mad Rico offers to share a chillum chalice with you so that the corruption may be burned from your heart. Over this chalice, he also wishes to offer you an alliance.
Do you accept?

>>114

I accept this alliance with you, but I shall not partake of your drugs, for its slight hallucinogenic properties might bring more adverse affects than benefits. He might see me too early...

>>115
Ganja is not a drug. Ganja is the healing herb, ganja is the Tree of Life. It brings spiritual insight and spiritual healing.
However, Mad Rico accepts that many in the world still remain ignorant to what is spiritual and what is not.

Just remember - do not use IRS 'simulation' in the place of Culture materials. Spiritual over virtual.

Onwards, we push, ensuring our people have free elections, as long as they remember to elect who we tell them to. We welcome our new constituency!

Doggia has extended her reach to the nearby islands, and with this comes a new resource: fish and even more slaves.
But as too many dogs have moved in since the Doggish Republic of Doggia has been formed, we find ourselves in a dire need for dog houses. That is why we will now start importing wood and nails.

Exports: Slaves and Fish
Imports: Wood and Nails

Though the process is moving far too slowly for Duke Von Berengar's tastes, people fall under his sway and become his minions, up to the point where he finally leads a city-state: New New Berenburg, though the people don't ask why it is named as such, seeing how there was never a New Berenburg, or a Berenburg, for that matter. He speaks eloquently enough, and offers technology and protection, but there's this feeling of...wrongness...about him. That, and the mad mumblings that people overhear sometimes, but that's to be expected from such an 'eccentric' persona.

Our boats have finally landed on the North coast of Egypt. We begin the long trek South to Zion.

The people of these lands are welcoming us with open arms. We have not gassed ethnic minorities! Anyone who says so, is wrong. Because we have no WMD's.

concenred by othe nations milatry development UMC unveils
THE FSL or flying submarine legion.
coplete with cannons that fire tanks that fire soldiers

We have arrived at Zion! The holy land is ours!

at the bequest of the sri-lanaka goverment UMC forces have been deployed to quell a major tahmil uprising

Doggia continues to expand further. Our army needs better opponents, these barbarians are no match for our mighty fangs.

Can't stop expanding. More resources. More people. Better technology. We need it all, and more, if our scheme will work. They'll all be surprised. Especially Him.

>>128
Seriously, bredda. You need some of this shit - you're talking to yourself.

>>129

I'm not crazy, just a bit mad. Well, maybe more than a bit, but I'm still sane. I'm sane. I must be sane. If I was insane, wouldn't I realize I was insane by now? It couldn't have snuck up on me this quic--NO. I'm SANE.

>>130
...
Seriously, bredda. Just one toke and all your troubles drift away.

Conquering these lands, we've been able to meet with some of the locals. They're so friendly! I think we should make one the head of this new region!

>>131

They never go away. They're always watching, especially at night. They know I'm watching them watching me, so they stay just outside, but they're always looking in, waiting for a moment of weakness but I'm not weak of course not I just gave in once oh it hurt so much why did I not resist Oh god they all died because of me all that blood everywhere their screams I still hear their screams but I escaped Him oh yes he wants me but He can't reach me not yet I'm still watching them waiting for them and I will gain the upper hand this time just wait and see oh yes they will all see everything will be better though they don't believe me now they will everyone will when the time comes but not now now we wait now we bide our time and watch the watchers

The influence of Zion spreads! Increasing pressure on Brazil has caused them to legalize marijuana in certain areas, making them ripe for Culture expansion!

We are also bringing peace to the landscape around Zion - with so much war and hostility around, all the bredren and sistren need a little bit of tranquility and ganja.

Everything's alright...for now. Do not worry anymore about me, everything is fine at the moment. I just suggest that you keep a fair distance away from the Citadel. It's safer that way, for everyone involved.

The Dogs Cannot Be Stopped.
Every tribe of barbarians falls under our paws. We now have so many slaves we are using them as target practice material.

>>136
Hey, listen, bredda. It's a free world, right? No need to be taking slaves all the tine. Give 'em a bit of ganja, sweet-talk 'em a bit and I am sure you'll get along just fine. No need for slavery, you hear?

>>136
at the bequest of multiple tribal leader the UMC has deployed a large number of trrops to northern russia

>>138
troop deployment information attached

Dear Investors,

We're pleased to announce the newest addition to our resort family is under construction. SeaResort 1 will be fully emerged and complete with over 120 state rooms, a grand dining hall, five bars and several aquariums, amongst others.

Plans to expand SeaResort 1 with upgrade modules are in effect.

Reserve a room today!

Sincerely, Richard Baker, CEO
International Resort and Spa

>>139
I see dogs are not liked among the men of UMC. Remove your men before we are forced to chew through them. If you retreat now, you can have 5.000.000 slaves... We have too many already.

>>141
Judge Ganja here.
If Ultima Mercenary Co. accepts this deal, we'll withdraw our coffeehouses from their territory.
Slavery's a bad thing.

>>141
slaves do not make good fighters or good scientists. we have no need of them. we have been hired by these tribesmen to protect them and protect them we shall

>>143
WAR IT IS THEN!
WOOF WOOF

Dog infantry, attack the target!

WAAAAAGH!

>>144
FLYING SUBMARINE COMENCE STEAM TANK BOMBING

>>145
STEAM TANKS BROADSIDE FIRE

Sniper Platoons, mow them down!

GIVE THEM HELL MEN!

As the term of our vicotry we demand you relase all slaves and forstall any furth agression agianst the northmen

Judge Ganja here.
We're sorry to see that you two had to war 'gainst one another. Still, we keep our promise.
Mister Edward and Mister Spot, please take a toke from the chillum chalice and agree on treaty terms.

We also send marijuana and faith healers to both factions and to the former slaves for free.

Back to peace, a'ight, bredren?

This is a sad day for dogs everywhere. The forces of UMC have managed to defeat us today and thus we are forced to end all aggression towards the northern tribes. Their men will be released and sent to their brethren beyond our border, but if they ever set step in doggian territory lethal force will be used on them.

Yo! Rasta Culcha!

Rowboat George here, I and I's translatin' for dese white devils. Dey good white devils, brudda.
You be barkin' up da wrong tree dere, brudda. Simulation ain't da bad shit. It ain't da anti-ganja. De spa 'nd hotel run by de whitest of white devils, see? Dey doin' all kinda crazy shit, brudda, but nuttin' dat be hatin' da ganja. See?

I tell ya, brudda, I smoked da reef once, went into da white devil simulation, man, I wished for da ganja while in dere. Smoked, I was dubble high!

Ya got to try dis shit. It ain't bad shit, brudda, see?

I and I says bye,
Da Rowboat George, Translator
International Resort and Spa

after our sucesses and the doggian withdrawal we have downsized or northern troop deploymetns

>>155
Irie, Rowboat George.
Bald-head bakra Baker got no deal. I don' wanna ketchup wit' 'im, dough. I sez di IRS 'otel-tings can 'ave coffeehouses.

>>157
Iz cool, brudda, iz relaxin'. Enough of dis white devil stuff. I and I is comin' back to da homeland 'n de boys too, we's lookin' for da best place to chill. We crash at your place, see? Smoke da ganja, pro-sper-ity. See?

Now that their leader seems to have become saner, the people of New New Berenburg have begun to spread out and claim new nearby lands.

Meanwhile, The Mad Duke continues to fortify his Citadel and begins remaking all the technologies lost during the crumbling of civilization, gathering together the brightest of his people to assist him in this endeavor.

>>158
Irie, irie - I & I sez you stop trapsing 'round bald-head bakra like Baker though. Don't want one o' me bredda lookin' like a bubu, see? Come back 'ome, dready and black up wit' di true Culcha cooly.

After spending time with the people of this world, we have come to understand many things.
One of the most peculiar things we've encounter in the ancient texts is that of an Ark, a powerful artifact lost in the ages.
We think that this artifact will prove helpful for Artanium, if it was to be found. We will now proceed into searching for this sacred item.

>>162
In exchange for an alliance, the Culture is willing to offer its angelic bredren the rights to live and wander the Rastafarian landscape as if it was their own. We also give you the rights to track down the Ark in Culture territories and the rights to use Culture resources in your hunt.

Further nations have joined Artanium.

>>163
We deeply thank you and we promise you that we will honor this alliance. The heavens will strike down anyone who dares to threat you as long as you are under the protection of our wings.

Several corpses of African-American men have been found in the Carribbean Ocean. So far, they have no idea who commited the act but it would appear that they were violently disemboweled by a machete. The local authorities have called off the information and refuse to disclose the identities of the dead men.

The ascension of the Sultan has prompted the creation of a unified Suljuk state in Turkey and Arabia, hereby known as the Sublime Ottoman State. We will expand and carry out the will of Allah by all means necessary.

>>167

Fix'd map.

For now, the people underneath the rule of the Mad Duke fortify their lands, while the Citadel seethes with energy. They remain wary of the newcomers, and will honor their commitments with the Rasta Culcha. Otherwise, they remain isolationist...for now, other than watching Austria as they were warned by their leader, though there does not seem to be any reason for it.

We have been summoned back to where we came from. It seems the "ark" we seek it's not on this plane.
We will give the lands that Artanium had to a worthy leader of our choice.
Farwell mortals.

We are Dorf, we dig, we take, we build. We hate carp.

? ? ? ? ? ?

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR!!!

The DORF
RUler: Great King Koo
Import: fancy stuff
Export DWARVEN CRAFTMANSHIP

Irie, bredren. Judge Ganja comin' to you live from Zion.

We've done a lil' bit of expanding. We've sent a couple of boats up to Afghanistan and claimed the marijuana fields there for ourselves. Give it a few months and you'll have some quality ganja coming straight to you from this lovely lil' colony.

We claim these lands in the name of our ancient empire! It is our duty to deliver the lands of the empire from the heathens who defile our citadels even now! Watch and tremble, for our Kataphraktoi shall ride once more!

Scotland was always dorf country.

? ? ? ? ? ?

RAAAAAAAAAAWR!!!

>>179

Dragons? Look at them pretty lizards, it must have lost it wings the poor we bastard.

>>180
KRAAAAAAA!!!

什么是这我甚而不要

死您妖怪! 您不属于这个世界!

bzzzzbzzzbzzzzzbz

Kardos has become possed, Kardos has locked hmself inside scotland. Kardos is created a legendary item

Irie, bredren. You folks got any idea how much ganja goes through Amsterdam? I bet you do. So much that it eventually has to fall into the Rastafarian faith. They've seen the truth! They've seen Jah, just as we have and they've been cleansed by the healing herb.

We offer the reptilean newcomers a toke from an exceptionally large chillum chalice.
We request an alliance with Neo Byzantium. In exchange, we shall supply you with all of the ganja that we supplied Artanium with.

Kardos has created a sword. Is flawless dwarmanship. It is made of orachlium and silver. It has the picture of kin on it. It's driven into a rock.

>>186
Raaaa?

raaaaa...

raaa...

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...

...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

!!!

Ra...!!!

>>188
Irie, bredda. Judge Ganja here.
Nice sword you got there. You're probably quite partial to such a lovely ting, so we won't ask you to part with it.
Instead, we offer you one of our finest chillum chalices. It's made from African elephant bone and Cape Coast gold.
We also offer you a large supply of lambsbread, our finest ganja.
In return, we ask for an alliance.
>>197
... 'ey, Missy Ithiopia! Order a king-sized coffee house to be built in dinosaur territory! Extra reionforced and with more dope than you could ever see in a life time!

inb4 404

>>199
There's no real reason to get rid of the thread. 's original content and it's on a board that has only been posted on 59 times anyway.

>>200
Mod here.

If you guys want, I can make you a board for this. I don't care if you guys post it here, but if you guys WANT a board for it, I'd be more than happy to make you a board.

>>201
No, I think we're okay. We came here because it wasn't too heavily populated and we didn't think many people would mind.
Seriously though, if you thought about giving us our own board for it, you rock. You're an awesome mod and you deserve a medal.

>>202

Not a problem at all. :)

I understand completely, about the not being populated thing, so you posted it here. At least you can do it here without being flooded with random spam and interruptions.

I say that, then I interrupt you with my posts. ;P

Anyway, if you guys have any suggestions or anything for any boards, or if you do decide you want a board, just post in "Suggestions" and let us know, and we'll get on it.

We're closing shop for the night. Please refrain from exploding the world in our absence.

Sincerely,
Richard Baker, CEO
International Resort and Spa

The Doggish Republic of Doggia has started expanding again. To our surprise, the islands on our west are uninhabited. We will make fine use of these and their resources. However, our new colonists need homes.
New export resource: Oil.
New import resource: Dog houses.

>>198

Aye, we agree laddie. Ya got yourself an alliance.

--

Dwarf Gromm has found DOPE, Dwarf gromm has stopped working.

Judge Ganja 'ere, givin' you di proper true map o' di world.

Our settling of these lands is complete! The people here will enjoy the benefits our great nation has to offer, together we shall expand and lead the world by glorious example. None will withstand our military might. If anyone would try to invade, we would paint the streets red with their blood!

>>208

War talk is not necessary, my friend! These people love us! Remember, we are A Very Nice Place. Just ask one of the locals!

>>210
Hey, local man, what do you think of this place?

>>209

Very nice!

In response to possible insecurities in out food supply we have assumed adminastative control of a "bread basket" region of north america.
in techincal news, we request that world government are not concered by the major break-up of anatraci ice near our HQ cuased by sonic weaposn testing. we have also dispatched sceintists (with bodyguards) to the dinosuar nation to begin a translation effort.

We announce great advance in glorious Nice Place. Women are no longer forced to ride on outside of bus and gays no longer have to wear a blue hat.

High Five!

>>212

Mr. Sagdiyev, we are concerned with these 'advances'. We don't let women ride on the insides of buses in this glorious nation. Please revert this decision.

And there are no gays here.

SeaResort 1 is complete! It overlooks the scenic Great Barrier Reef. In addition, when SeaResort 1 is later phased out by SeaResort 2, we will flood it so it may be used as an artificial reef.

Contact the Tourism Board for more details!

Sincerely, Richard Baker, CEO
International Resort and Spa

Irie, bredren. Judge Ganja 'ere, as high as di clouds in di heart of Zion.

We gettin' di baddest cooly from British Columbia these days an' we gettin' some fine Acapulco Gold from guess where? Acapulco! That's right, bredren.

Also, we see that di Very Nice Place is a very nice place, so we were wonderin'. You bredren want some Culcha coffeehouses over there? Wit' authentic Middle Eastern hookahs, too.

Black up, bredren.

We have traveled far and wide and have decided to settle on the shores of the African continent. Praise be to Allah as we take these people to be our equals, not gassing any dissident groups.

>>216

There are many nice people here! I like! They have chocolate face. I even take one as wife! I marry her! She is biggest woman I have ever seen, she has much plow experience. Very nice!

>>217

Hey baby! Mama's gon' give you some luvin!

>>218

We make sexy time now. High five!

>>220
WHAT YOU DOIN' WITH MY BITCH, WHITE BREAD?

>>221

She is my wife! Who are you, angry chocolateface? I do not have your watermelons or chickens!

>>222
YO WIFE? ROSHANDA, IS THIS MOFUGGER SAYIN' THE TRUTH?

To more efficiently watch over the lands for any sign of corruption, troops march in and claim the lands for the Mad Duke, fortifying it with all manner of dangerous devices.

>>223

Boi, you better watch yo self now! My name is Luenell! Roshanda is my sista from anotha mista. Is you sayin I look like Roshanda? Aw hell naw, she fat!

>>225
YOU CALLIN' MY WIFE FAT?

>>225

She my sista! And heeeell naw, yo sorry broken ass ain't got no right to speak, you only sit around drinkin 40s! You betta get a job to feed yo kids sometime soon, or she'll leave yo ass!

Now if you'll excuse me, my husband and I will be off to his villa in te Kazakh province.

>>227
It's.. it's true..

We push further inland, finding all the local tribes extremely welcoming.

In related developments, are any nations in posession of enriched uranium? We would like to start building nuclear power plants. We are not intending to build nuclear arms to crush down all those who stand in our path.

After much hard work, the Citadel is now ready for the next step in the Mad Duke's plan. It shimmers, then a column of light bursts upwards from it until it dims once more, as if nothing really happened.

---

Light crackles around the Duke as he exits the portal into a bright, heavenly area, and for the first time since he died, the voices have completely stopped. Though the Citadel did mute them, it was only a temporary solution at best, and eventually they would have found a way in despite all his efforts. He smiled, and for the first time in a long time, finally relaxed as he made his way to the leaders of the Artias, petitioning them for their help, telling them the long tale of his sins and what brought him to this point, and humbly asking for their assistance, merely a few volunteers who were Immortal. Everything hinged on their response to his pleas, for without their help, he could not finally redeem himself in a way that would benefit the most people possible.

Irie, bredren.

Situations don't call for a high at this rate, unfortunately. Brazil's really tightened up on drug laws recently. So, we've shipped out of Brazil and moved into other territories.

However, we've expanded our Mexican territories and we've claimed a bit of Bangladesh for ourselves. Good times.

Anyway, we've decided to announce our imports and exports.
Imports: Any form of technology.
Exports: Alcohol, drugs, food, manual labour & marijuana.

We have settled far enough inland. Let us reap the benefits of this place! We will co-operate with the people in ext--kindly asking separatist minorities to leave and together we will prosper! We are already looking forward to their first economic endeavour!

>>231
Dear Judge Ganja,

My name is David Lee Roth. My father is the head of a local tribe here, and he has recently passed away. I have inherited a large amount of his money. However, my father was not a loved man and the goverment is trying to take this money from me. I need outside help, from you. I will advance the money to your account. In return for keeping the money safe, you will receive 10%. The amount of money is 14 million niara, $100,000. Please help me sir! I have attached a picture of myself to show that I am a legitimate businessman.

Regards,

David Lee Roth

>>233

This is not a scam! He is a legitimate businessman and wants to move the money to invest it in his company, later.

>>233
Mr. David Lee Roth,
We're willing to offer you a safe life, here in Zion. We'll try and keep this money safe from Babylon as well.

In order to ensure that our friends are not offended, we offer the offending government a small percentage of our latest coffeehouse profits. This is easily equivilant to the sum that you wanted from David Lee Roth.

The Dorf has found a strange glowing ore in their mines. The heavy green glow makes it perfect for jewelry.

Somewhere, the voices of a mad Prothet is whispering: Just. as. planned.

>>236
do not be concerned by the milatry presence near your borders.
Do not be concenred that not jewellry shipments have got through.
do not be concenred by the collaspe of the greenstone mines by soem form of sonic device.
Do Not Be Concerned

We of the Impal Galactic (Or near enough) Federation bid you greetings and ask you to welcome us to your world. What we have seen of it so far pleases us, and we hope our stay will leave us with great memories.

We have chosen this location as our landing spot due to promising readings from our climate analysis drones and our forward scout's assertion that food is in abundance here.

>>237

The Dwarfs have deducted that it was all due to stray cats and Carp that the mines collapsed. They will not persue them any further. Instead they shall mine the adamantium they just found due to the collapse.

Canadian Dwarf Project D begins.

Fear the Carp

UMC welcomes all newcomers to our world and hopes that you will join us in our wordl leader comms forum at irc.rizon.net #nationgame
we also offer you any help you need with human to impal translations.

>>238
Great, another hallucination. I better lay off the cooly for a while.

... Wait a second, it's been a couple of hours since I last had a joint.

Holy shit, you're real!

Uh, irie, bredren. Anything we can do for you? You folks want any coffeehouses built in your... 'landing zone'? Any workers? Ganja? Anything at all?

The dwarfs of Scotland have taken over the Irish hills. All beer production now contains a 100% more alcohol.


The Native Canadian Dwarves continue claiming the not hat of america. They also sen a picture one of their artists did when he was possessed to The Mad Duke:
The picture is made on granite, colored with cat blood and grassroots essence. It depicts a bald man holding a green crystile. A text say : To the Good Baron, Hope you enjoyed hell.

>>238

The Dorf have been interrupted by an alien landing. Dorf has stopped working.

"Aye, Good to see ya laddies, you need anything. Also beware of the Carp, i hear it came from the big black"

We wish to sample any of your culture and traditions that we can, please go ahead and build your 'Coffeeshop'. We will supply the aid of our own technicians if you want us to.

Impal Federation,

Welcome to Earth!

We would like permission to compare any holographic or simulative technology you may have in exchange for a complete upload of our cultural and worldly information database.

Sincerely,
Richard Baker, CEO
International Resort and Spa

We would also request that you do not use the airspace above our landing zone as it is currently occupied by our Landing Craft moving equipment and personnel between the surface and our orbiting Interstellar Transport Craft.

IRS: We would be only too happy to supply you with one of our theatres and several Impal Computing Experts in exchange for access to your cultural database. Your cooperation in the acheivement of our goals is much appreciated!

The Dwarfs has concluded that water contains Carps, and urges everyone to be carefull around beaches all over the world.

>>247
longrange study of the impal craft has detirmined the aproximate nature of the crafts proplusion. our finest scientist have bgun work on a field geretor that will render them inoperable

>>249
We thank you for your warning, though it comes too late, our landing zone is surrounded by water. We will attempt to find a more inland location once we are set up here.

Imports: Any information we can get our hands on.
Exports: Advanced tech, spices.

>>251
Irie, bredren. Judge Ganja 'ere.

I's got a deal fi you. You give us di proper bad tech, we build coffeehouses in your land, give you all the workers, ganja, food an' drink you need, all di information we got and to top it all off, an alliance.
What do you say?

Due to the warnings of the Dwarf race the Impal Federation has decided to advance its scheme to establish an Alpha Site on this planet.

We have noticed disruptions in the drive patterns of our Landing Craft, as a result they are unable to escape this planet's gravity well. Until this problem is resolved the resources available to us will be severely limited.

>>252
The Impal Federation would be all too happy to agree with your proposal. Our technicians will be sent to your nearest territories to begin instructing your scientists. Sadly we cannot give you working examples of our technology as we are currently cut off from our orbital craft.

It would appear that a malfunction in our scanning equipment was overlooked by maintenance teams due to the prioritisation of fixing the drive failures.

This lead to an unfortunate oversight on one of our maps. This discrepancy has now been rectified to the best of our abilities.

Dear Investors,

Our scientists have learned many things from this alien technology; there are plans to program a completely realistic copy of this planet inhabited with realistic AIs-- they are not truly intelligent. If an AI breaches their way into sapience, however, we shall find a way to teach and understand them.

This world shall be a utopia, an escape from ours. There will be no wars, famine, or disease initially. Human 'players' will dictate the course this world takes. You will be able to feel, taste, and understand the world and other humans you may encounter. It's up to you.

You will be able to connect to it from anywhere and at any time, provided you have purchased an IRS-designed Neural Net.

We expect Project Tranquility to be completed by the end of this fiscal season.

Hope to see you soon,
Richard Baker, CEO
International Resort and Spa

>>256
a world without warfare is not in the best interests of UMC

>>256
This is twisted, man. No one needs a new world to play Jah inside of.

Ganja is a beneficial healing herb. You're creatin' a second life for deluded fantacists to live inside of.

We shall boycott this business venture of yours. We withdraw our trade agreements and coffeehouses from your territory and we promise to do the same to everyone else who invests in this bestial construction of Babylon!

Warfare appears to be a foundation of the UMC's economic model, the collapse of a nation as a result of our intervention is an intolerable thought! We can only hope the peace remains confined to the walls of the simulation rooms until such time as the UMC can restructure their economy.

>>258
Due to the backlash our supply of technology has caused the Impal Federation will be closly monitoring all information given to your planet to ensure a similar conflict of interests does not reoccour.

Following investor panic, and the possibility of war against us, the Board of Directors has decided not to open Project Tranquility to the public. Instead, it shall serve as research until such a time we have evolved to a point where we might accept it.. or when it would actually make money.

Until then, we will test the limits of this technology. We will simulate theoretics, black holes, space flight, and more.

>>261
Irie. Mad Rico and me are pleased by this turn of events. You can get your coffeeshops back.

Word of warning, though. Don't go testing this technology too far. Don't want you blowing up the world now.

due to reason flooding in our sewers system, carps have killed and eaten a third of all out Miners. In light of this, our exports are suffering accordingly.

>>263
Irie, bredren.

Sending experienced fishermen to ya, all the way from di fields o' British Columbia to di slums o' Bangladesh.

Baker's been given his two weeks. He was running us into the ground. Chauvinistic prick. I'm the new Board Head and CEO.

I think we need a change of name and image. I'm calling a Board meeting.

Hillary Gunzer, CEO, Inbet you thought I was doing that cliche 'Dear John' shit, huh? Those days are gone.

>>263

In response every dwarven cannon is now pointing down the carp filled rivers. LET THERE BE WAR

Dorfs in great numbers are tossing axes agaisnt the rivers. A master wrestler has challenged whoever dares to a wrestling match.

>>266
Glub glub glub.

>>267
Glub glub glub.

LEAVE NO ONE!

>>270
Glub glub glub.

>>271
Glub... glub... gl--

Name and flag changed. I'm closing three restorts down, as well as SeaResort 1, and replacing them with research facilities.

Exports: what you'd find in tropical areas, diamonds, ore

The DORF are proud to declare the war against yje carps over, the carps have retreated back to the vast oceans and Dorf territories are now safe. In honor of their Ganja smoking brothers in arm they've created a golden bong and sent it their great leader.

Breaking news!
The carp infestations in the ocean have died down.
Carp hostility has decreased and since this case of beneficial genocide, carp attacks have been much rarer!

>>274
Di lil' bredren be di baddest bwoys in town. I accepts dis gracious gift. Jah watch over you an' may di lil' bredren always be welcome ti Zion.

Now, then, onto buisness. My first order: smooth relations.

To the dorfs, ale. Boats of it.
To the Rasta Culcha, rare island opium.
To the UMC, brand new weapons.
To doggia, dog houses.
To the Impal, our entire database. Including whatever Baker left out.
To the Ir.. to A Very Nice Place, heterosexuality inducing hormones. Just in case.

>>277
Irie, sister.

This gift is appreciated. In return, we send you exotic foods from all of our territories and some of our best Caribbean rum.

>>277

Aye, the Dorf accepts this sending of ale. Lassie, would you be interested in this sword me and the lads created. The nobeards call it Excalibutro r something like that. See, we can't brake the rock with our pickaxes, may be hexed or blessed or some such.

>>277
our weapons technology is already far in advance of any thign you might have. however we apriacte the gesture

>>279
Can't break it, huh? I can arrange to have R&D Science take a look at it for you, if you want.

Extradimensional research provoked by the mad dukes apearance recently came to fruition. we have pulled back our troops from several locations to perimieter guard our newly opened Portal. I am about to personally lead an expedtion into its depths. if i do not return within 24 hours close the portal behind me.

>>282

BE AWARE HUMAN. THIS IS THE WORDS OF THE GREAT KING HIMSELF YOU ARE ABOUT TO SPEAK: ENTERING THEM POERTALS WILL ONLY LEAD TO DESTRUCTION. We have in our mines, a artifact that we uncovered, it's a shard that comes from this there world lad. That world is lost, lost to a green luster and a madmans plans.

Hail citizens. I hath returned. I met the winter lord and he has told me many things. this world is unclean and must be purged by sword and by Ice. The winter lord, the one true god is at my back and all infidels will perish. though first we must cleanse our own ranks.

>>284

Aye, so it comes to this. At least it was not the Green prophet who spoke to you. But the winter king. Eye it burdens this old kings heart. We will oppose you at every turn crusader, we will stand firm at the hills, the shores and on top the very mountains themselves. The winter lord will not grasp this domain in his chilled grip, not will he reign over the free brethren of Dorfs. As we have conquered the Carp, so will we also stop you were you to show any aggression against us or our allies.

>>284

>>285
Hark at the old rambler. For now we tend to our own. But when the time comes your menfolk will be shorn beardless and your fortress shall burn! None shall stand before Winters Might!

>>287

Why you damn kid...

One does not insult us, nor mention our beards in any manner but a good one. One does not tread upon these lands without the great mountains allowing it. One does not under any circumstances provoke the might of the Fortress.

The great dwarven fortress have begun construction, it will be border spanning.

Training of Cattle cavalry has begun worlwide

>>290
>>290

While the King rides with more style

Wit' war on di horizon and our baddest bredren suitin' up, we's gonna give 'em a helpin' hand.

Great King Koo an' di lil' bredren 'ave got our support. Sendin' you di first, second an' third Jamaican battalions.

In light of the aggresive tendencies shown by this new arrival we are mobilising our air defense units and beggining a piquet of all Impal settled areas.

We claim these lands as ours in his name!
Already the purity of ice marches forward across this broken world.

Territorial advance of Winter Knight faction deemed hostile.

Actions returned in kind. Defence Preparations underway.

I can see the dangers this new nation brings. We'll assist the Dorfs, the Rasta Culcha and the Impal Federation. I propose alliance between the four of us.

We're mobilizing our security teams and our patrol helicopters and boats are in production.

Consider yourselves favored clients with the favored client discount called wackjob defense.

>>230

Having arrived with the 'volunteers back at the Citadel, research begins against the last obstacle in the way of the Duke's plan.

----

>>296

We are also willing to mobilize against the threat this new Winter Knight might bring. Though war against one another is always unfortunate, we will offer our aid to help bring this war to a swift end. I won't accompany the troops myself, busy with another project, but they will prove to be skilled and determined soldiers, I am sure.

>>240

Secret Weapon D created: Wolverdwarf and Dwarfpool.

Welcome to boatmurdered. The dwarfs african coast colony. Hmm.. is that elephants?

In Ethiopia, now known as 'Zion' by the religious movement known as the Rastafarian Culture, Emperor Haile Selassie I of Ethiopia's burial ground and shrine was cordoned off by a few of the Culture's radicals, only to leave precisely 149 minutes later. According to witnesses, they were carrying advanced biological containment vessels. In this mysterious state of affairs, it have been shown that Haile Selassie's remains were apparently left untouched and nothing was removed from the shrine.

In other news, Impal technicians are being put to work in a newly constructed biological research facility.

Culture spokesman 'Judge Ganja' has made the following statement:
"Di Culcha is takin' its true place in di world. We need to learn to defend ourselves. For this reason, we are initiatin' a new scientific project, codename 'Lions of Zion'. That's all di information I can disclose."

>>299

Ahh bloody kings beneath the rock! The elephants are killing everyone. We shall strike back!

>>302
Comin' to aid di lil' bredren wit' di Ethiopian militiamen.

>>302

http://resources.bravenet.com/audio_clips/sound_effects/animal_-_elephant_trumpeting/listen/

>>305

>>302
Git ye spears right here lads! We strike them where it hurts!

>>306

Come'ere ya big trouted buffalo I'll show you a trumpet!

>>308 HAHA! We will never surrender

INTERDIMENSIONAL ACTIVITY DISCOVER IN DIMENSION X8391AT.
INDIVIDUAL KNOWN AS 'THE DUKE' HAS BEEN IDENTIFIED.
INFERNAL AND/OR TIBERIUM CORRUPTION HAS NOT BEEN SIGHTED.
PERFORMING PLANETARY SCAN.
...
...
...
BEGINNING INTERDIMENSIONAL TRANSMISSION TO THE LUNA COMMISSION.
...
...
...
TRANSMISSION SENT.
INITIATING SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE.
...
...
...
*BOOM*

>>296

We accept your offer of Alliance. We will endevour to assist you in any manner we can.

Hark,unbelivers.
we see many people are unhappy with our quest to spread truth purity and law. we will beign hosting a great convention in the palace of ice to disscuss matters. in the place i shall be alone, but you may brign as many guard as you feel is nesscery to ensure your security

Ships depart from the Citadel and begin seeding the Earth's orbit with satellites, for a completely benign purpose.

>>314

I, as representative of the Impal Federation shall attend your convention with my advisors and a small security team. I shall see you there.

>>296
You got di alliance you want.

>>314
No dice.

>>314
It is a shame so few of you have turned up. but no matter. i also appolgise for keeping you waiting
there is something i must tell you, the ice of the place is differnt from normal ice. it grows within. you have already been here long enough for it to take effect. sson you too willsee the apeall of the ice. soon you will be liek me

The Impal Federation is most grateful for the gift the Winter Knights granted upon us, an image of which is attatched. There appear to be DNA helii upon the surface...

Synthesis Program Initiated.

There is one last journey to undertake, and so the Duke suits up once more, arming himself in all manner of weaponry; this time, there would not be the protection of the Angels during this trip, and those that lurked to drag him back stalked the darkness between the Real and Unreal. With a flash, he departs the Citadel, appearing moments later within the compound of the British Secular State moonbase, covered again in blood, though not of his own, thankfully.

"HAhaha! You couldn't get me this time I knew you were there of course you were there you were always there always watching always stalking never alone oh no I can hear you all again GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" he shouts, but seems to calm down once more after a few deep breaths before departing for the new seat of government for the remnants of the BSS.

He would manifest in the middle of a crowd of androids. For a brief moment, the all gasped in shock, eyes going wide, then suddenly, just before they began to panic, they suddenly returned back to the state they were in before he appeared, wandering around and taking care of their own business as if he never was there. A camera arks around to glare down at the Duke, its lenses focusing on him. A speaker within would begin to talk.

>>322

"Ah, Duke, Good to see you again. Not so good to hear you rambling like a madman. What can I do for you?"


"I wish to redeem myself from my actions during the last war, to aid those I abandoned because of His whispers, and to end the menace He poses to everyone, everywhere, everywhen. Kane did manage to defeat Him, yes, but, He's still alive out there, toying with me stalking me sending demons damned demons in my head they won't stop until I die again but I can't die I won't die I...excuse me...I seem to be continually distracted by Them when not in my Citadel. But my point is, there is a chance to eliminate Him, and maybe even free Luna and the other innocents that died, and I wish for your aid as well to help emancipate them."

"Really. It's tempting for me to have you butchered where you stand for aiding the Demon against my nation. Kane rules the Earth and I am not planning on going back anytime soon. I have expanded upon your technology and I have managed to send probes to countless universes. One came back, detailing information of the one you were in. The Demon is not there. You have nothing there that I want. I'm not ever sure you have anything capable of emancipating a single hellbound soul. However...If there's a chance Luna gets out, it's worth it."

"There is a way, but it will be extremely risky. I have managed to contact Angelic beings, and with the knowledge I've gained from working with them, there is the chance of victory, not only temporarily, but eternally. You, however, do not need to wager much, though, just as much military support as you are willing to give. Everything else is being set up as we speak."

"We're constructing macroscopic interdimensional teleporters. Just like we shifted Britain to the moon, we should be able to exchange your moon with ours. I believe I might be able to join you in your world, along with the nation of Lolirmo - which is currently being rebuilt on this rock."

"That would be greatly appreciated, as long as you land troops upon the earth itself before the time is ripe. Whatever you decide, do it soon. As for me, I must depart and inspect the network to make sure everything's in order for the next phase."

Light surrounds Duke Von Berengar once more as he departs from the premises, but there is also the smell of brimstone before he completely vanishes from the moonbase.

Hello there playerchumps, just wanted to say that i am fully aware of the multidimensional fuckery that is going on. Now if you excuse me i need to pester wolverdorf

>>324

I see theerre was demand for beards, so here is my new kickass beard.

>>321

++Synthesis Program Complete.++
++Resultant lifeform unable to survive due to unknown factors.++

It would appear the symbols upon the Winter Knight's gift were merely coincidental. No matter, it is a wonderful work of art nonetheless.

However, since the disposal of the organic matter from the experiment there do appear to be minor levels of toxins in the air systems.
It is probably only a minor fault.

This is Commandant Neeja contacting you from our Alpha Site. The Representative is missing, and we have lost communication with the Landing Site. Due to the loss of the colony's government leaders I will be taking command as highest ranking military officer until such time as these circumstances are rectified.

Please bear with us, I hate doing this job just as much as you hate seeing me do it.

>>327
More bad news! I smell something bad coming.. something that will change the world.

I can only hope we're ready. I'll be in meetings with the Board all day; only call if something vitally important comes up, please.

Di Lions o' Zion be born. Anyone that dares tread on di holy land of Zion without permission, beware. Death shall come swiftly to you from di Lions' claws.

>>329

>>330
Not quite, bredda. But good try.

>>331
?

Waves wash along the golden shores of the Impal Alpha Site, not 70 metres from the perimiter walls that were set up to ward against intrusion. Each new clear, pristine wave that foams across the sands darkens the sparkle, the bright beauty of the never ending white shine.

With every wave it darkens yet more, and more, and more. Very soon it is brown. A fleshy residue forms on the surface of the sand.


Then, it comes. First a claw falls upon the ground, then a second finds it's way ashore. They dig in, and haul their body ahead. Shouts from the perimeter guards ring out, welcoming the survivor of the Landing Site. Then their hopes are dashed as the thing runs forward screaming. Before long, it is shot to the ground.

Then, They come. First a claw falls upon the ground, then a second finds it's way ashore.
Ten thousand follow.

By the time the panicking guards realise the only way to stop the horde is to cut off their limbs, it is already too late. The death knell has sounded. It will not wait for much longer.

It will not wait at all.

We have no choice but to try and hold on as long as we can. We will fight them, and hope we can hold them back.

>>333
Exactly as planned...

Armour moving in.

This'll give them something to think about.

There is no hope.

There is no end.

We will make you whole again.

In the name of the winter king finsihes these fools!

We were not prepared. There was no warning those things would appear. Just as we seemed to have things under control, Edwin made his intentions clear. I do not doubt that he is the cause of this plague. The Winter Knights have made their allegiances clear, and made a very powerful enemy.

My engineers tell me that the source of the engine interferance is coming from the old Ultima Mercenary Corporation headquarters. I intend to destroy it, evacuate my people, and tell the orbiting ship to annihilate the entire southern half of the african continent. I'd enjoy seeing how the esteemed Knight Chivleric likes that.

>>343
good sir, i will disable said gereator if you wish, lets make this fair ey?

>>344

++Sir? Hnh. Know your enemy? I fear you do not. Disable your precious generator then. I fear it will be a grave mistake.++

Prime the shuttles, and ready the map of the infestation.

Jesus Christ. I can't believe what I'm seeing.

Progress continues on our warships and aircraft. We have the technology but not the manpower. Do any of our common allies wish to lend personnel for the duration of this conflict?

This brings whole new meaning to the term 'Cold War'.

>>346
we can uhh lend you a bunch of people, ther not at all sick or infected or suchlike

>>347
Why the hell does he have access to our channel? Lock him out!

What are you talking about, I am a liegtiate 3rd world leader offerign you COMPLETESAFE AND NOT IN ANY WAY TAINTED BY ICESICKNESS workers

>>346

Under normal circumstances I would be happy to provide you with all the pilots and seacrew you could ever want, but thanks to eastern flowing currents circumstances are far from normal.

You'd best see for yourself.

UNDEAD? BY MY BEARD! THIS WILL NOT STAND!

Deep in the Amazon jungle, secluded from any prying, compound eyes, begins construction of a magnificent fortress; a bastion of hope against whatever alien menace(Or anything close enough) happens to be around.